Ìfébámidélé

The child in me nurtures a lone firefly hoping its tiny beam reminds me how we got here

I knew I wanted to spend all of my days with you,

A lifetime was invoked into being!
Karibo! This blessing destined and custom made came
...from a heaven that only existed in fairy tales

A slice of unending rich, dark chocolate goodness
Confident, bashful, proud, a heart of butterflies with the perfection of a thousand craftsmen
God took his time with you

For me...
You were and always will be the definition of him
The smile I wanted my son to have;
... my daughter's eyes
the most dedicated listener, whose words held true to season



A nudge, a sting, a quickening, a challenge, a hope, a home

Actions were more your bond- for you spoke too little
And for a moment of a lifetime mostly built on a child, teenager and a lady's fantasies
I craved "his" existence in a less traumatic future
Ifebamidele, love followed me home...
fruit of my womb, scion of your loins


My "wealth has come home", you were that gong in the market place
The envy of the exes, the girlfriend's fantasies,
future me's series of a thousand lullabies to future miniature replicas of you
and the reason I own "lacey effects"

You were perfect in the pages of my heart, weren't you?
The perfect complexion that influenced the name-sake history
The W-tag that decided the one who broke my jellies
The bottles which informed the nerds
and the speech which were a constant in my "sapio-rules"

Your smile and oh!!! Your laughter always did me in... only you could laugh that way
Happy, thick, resonating, an actual mouth full
It has found a permanent residence in my memory
I recall our almost joys and laughters, the moments, the fights... ah those..
The real ones, the fake ones and the "one" I keep reliving,
the ones I never wanted to end
and the ones which made my tears last a life time
You! Yes, you... were the yardstick
And those who venture soon find out they were only privileged an attempt at breaking the records you'd set, unbeknownst to you...
and of course unbeknownst to them

An obsession, you swear
I realise I don't make it easier to confer on it a more appropriate title
Were they preferred a shade lighter or my "darkie" never really mattered?
My legs were perfection as were their bedazzled "yams"? whatever are those?
Every bit of me told a story of awkwardness behind your rims.
lacking in self esteem and the "oomph".. sorry, "je ne sais quoi"
Pretty though it may have been, I just never made it past the shadow
In conclusion, obsession was a terrible look
and " you no reach et al", feat "Mr Excuses and co" didn't make for great company

Shebi, you will stay in ya house and refrain from "having" your cake and still wanting to eat it

Let's talk about love... Oh the L word?'
"That's what you said" was all you said the day i told you, "I love you"
You tucked it all neatly and tossed in my face to avoid any break in transmission
I was not worth your love- for whatever it was worth
You definitely would not be made to love anyone who didn't deserve it

The day my brain was knocked into thinking- into actual productive thoughts,
I was reminded that contrary to what you had advised, i had adjusted a few rules here and there;
changed a few values to accommodate all the excesses that coated your exterior
Beyond being His child and a beautiful human, are you seen as anything more in all honesty?
Yet, whatever i had to give or share- was not worth it, right?

You taught me to do better, be better and be careful with my weaponised words
You also taught me that some things never change... like Mr Leopard and his spots...
You once asked me not to change for you or anyone else, well, I never listened
As I took every bit of me you'd pointed as flaws and did my best to be a better person...
not to please, or win you back, but improve on me.
I changed!

Maybe Mr Leopard never changes his spots, but humbling portions and empathy pills still line walkways

I look at me differently now
I have learnt a thing or two
I have wrapped you in a piece of forever and tucked you to sleep in a corner of my heart

I look at me differently, thanks to you
I've traded my insecurities and self esteem issues for confidence and compassion
I have learnt a thing or two
but I'm yet to learn how to stop loving you

Still...

I crave "his" existence in a less traumatic future
fruit of my womb, scion of your loins
Ìfébámidélé, your name suffixing your begetter's
or maybe love would have finally followed me home?
Ìfébámidélé, An embodiment of my undying love for you
Ìfébámidélé, fruit of my womb, scion of your loins
but alas! He was never meant to be

Photo Credit for Images 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8: Unsplash.com
Photo Credit for Image 2: Sena Sena on facebook