...Activities Of a Night

      I look around the room, bewildered... What was I doing awake at this hour; something must have awoken me or I probably dozed off again- I think to myself the minute I see the red light blinking on my P.C. I tap the switch just above my bed... I totally forgot the routine; there won't be power till 7am. I reach for my wristwatch on the night stand. I can dimly see through its circular surface... I lazily pull the curtains... a beam of light slowly creeps in... No full moon tonight... Wow! I must have been asleep for long. It was almost 3am. I was yet to complete my report. I rub a tired forefinger across my fore-head, this was a silly habit I'd picked up since way back when... I quietly pick myself off the bed and onto my reading table. I sat beside my P.C and wondered why I didn't finish the report before going to bed. Agreed, I was tired but it was short and I had made Up my mind I was going to finish it... What must've made me fall asleep? It was simply unlike me to doze off when I put my mind to work. I thought deeply for a while and slowly it all came back to me. My mind had drifted the minute I got that text from Zeke... "Sweedie, I know U like this dude. But, It all seems so familiar... See, If he's not calling you, then he's so not into you. No guy is too busy to squeeze out a minute to hear a voice that makes him smile". He was right, it was familiar. I'd walked this road before. Just slight differences. His text had made me search for that silly note I thought I'd gotten rid off. I guess a part of me knew I'd kept It... I was a "keeper". I'd found it, read it and cried myself to sleep. No, I hadn't dozed off. I couldn't have; I'd forced myself to sleep cos the pain was still there like it never went away... I tap a key on the keyboard and the computer comes alive. I hurriedly type in my password and  there it was on the screen staring me in the face.... That irrefutable proof... I wasn't ready for love...

     ...Life, they say is beautiful- some say cruel… and others say, its unfair… Its disastrous to categorize all of life’s people into either of these categories cos none would fit in… Life, I say is a mixture of it all, the good, the bad and the ugly… Sometimes, the unbelievable.
I'm 21 and I’ve seen life at its worst shows, I nag and I'm very temperamental, with a shit load of mood swings and unanswered questions, I’ve always been care-free and it has brought a whole of lot of … well, there’ve been times I’ve been better for it but most of the time, it does not turn out so good.
I ain't perfect, infact I hate perfection and perfectionists; although I'm a perfectionist. You can call me the lazy, Imperfect Perfectionist :) but I think I'm always right, tow my lane, all ye followers…
Its been 4years, and nothing’s really changed, except I'm praying that I make my grad list and I get short-listed for that grad-training thingy. My life’s full of unsolved puzzles and unresolved issues, I have or maybe had a boyfriend that thinks my mouth is a gutter of dirty, abusive and insultive words. Infact I told him I'd wash it with soap today. Hahaha, funny Huh? Not so funny, he does get to me and is the cause of his woes not mine. I don’t want to but I need to leave this relationship, he’s actually offered me a way out, short term though- He says he loves me and everyone including me, except my friends''the closest ones'' just think, he feels I'm no longer good enough, well not wife material enough, cos …
Well, the truth is, I dunno what to think any more, why I ever dated him? I dunno. I walked into trouble the day I said yes. I can’t leave him and he won’t go away cos maybe he’s pitying me, well, maybe not.. he’s said he’ll never date me out of pity{ oh, that’s why we’re not dating officially at the moment}
What I want to talk about since I'm tired of telling people my problems, lemme tell me… I'm not exactly the kind of person God would like to hear from now, worse still... this topic. So, I'm telling me and you, dear reader.
Monday the 10th, wasn’t exactly the best day to travel, the journey was annoying and it wasn’t the best day to make my hair or even shave. Tuesday, wasn’t good to visit them... was it? I'm too nice for my mood swinging, nagging, and ever temperamental San-mel personality, I intended to stay home and keep to myself as usual but my busybody nature and all lovey-dovey, love struck madness, gosh I'm a total twee. I had to go... lesson learnt tonight, you cannot make someone love you more than they already do, or make them change their mind or even make them do things that will even benefit ''you'', by that I mean ''you both''. They’ll later call you selfish and jealous.
Now, dear reader I've created a picture in your mind, please don’t go away… stay with me through this night…Lovelorn should actually be the title not, errm ehm what’s the title of this thing I'm even writing???

...Yeah... lovelorn... I'm over him surely. But, I'm still hurt and now there's another in his stead only the dude is not in my life ... Hmmmn, Soon it will be christmas day... Zeke would get me something good, of that I'm sure. He's such an amazing best friend... Now, that I'm not sure if I still want "All" I want for Christmas... Wow! You've gotta be kidding me, I've got Shai's "If I ever fall in love again" playing on the background. uhhhhhh! Here we go again... I cried myself to sleep listening to that? X_X OMG! Those guys must've been terribly hurt :D